Chapter 1: Struggling
My belief is that I can’t do enough to help alleviate other people’s mental/emotional suffering.
Chapter 2: Studying
I made it to medical school through sheer willpower. I refocused on my one, most important goal – I was going to be a doctor.
Chapter 3: Graduating
My (mis)belief is that I’m not a good enough doctor to help alleviate other people’s mental/emotional suffering.
Chapter 4: Daytime
I thought becoming a psychiatrist would finally make me finally feel at ease. I didn’t expect to feel like an impostor even when I got there.
Chapter 5: Nighttime
Grueling night shifts. The mental health of every patient during the night was in my charge. Each night, I was technically responsible for the wellbeing of the entire region of London covered by the hospital. The sanity and safety of nearly a million people were in my (rather clammy) 26-year-old hands.
Chapter 6: Children<
Working as a psychiatrist in a child and adolescent ward was a job I absolutely loved. The ward was both a sad and hopeful place. A lot of the children there had been abused but there was relief in knowing they were somewhere safe where they were getting support. Compared to the intensity of the A&E, the children’s ward was a breeze.
Chapter 7: Eating
The midpoint triggers a spark of confidence in my ability to help alleviate other people’s mental/emotional suffering. My new belief is that maybe I can help alleviate other people’s mental/emotional suffering.
Chapter 8: Promoting
My time on the psychiatric intensive care unit – a high-security version of a hospital ward, double air-locked, with specially trained staff. I was hungry to take the next step: I was ready to become a consultant, the final rung on the career ladder in the NHS. All I had to do was nail the interview.
Chapter 9: Leaving
I knew I could create a better future, if not in the NHS, then out of it. I wanted to set up my own clinic. To treat patients in the way they deserve. I knew it was time to leave.
Chapter 10: Money
Moving from being a big fish in a small pond to a small fish in a big pond: the world of private practice.
Chapter 11: Lawyers
Several situations with patients escalated into legal issues that made me question everything I had held true. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was a bad doctor after all… maybe I shouldn’t be a psychiatrist.
Chapter 12: Steering
I am finally confident that I am both able and meant to help alleviate other people’s mental/emotional suffering.
