. Cops, 1
2. Things I Can’t Say to Your Face, Part I, 5
3. Social Security, 10
4. Improvisation, 13
5. The Hall Pass, 15
6. What I Do When I Do What I Do, 19
7. The Casserole Club Has Now Come to Order, 21
8. Two, Two, Two People at Once, 25
9. And Now, a Few Words about Guilt, 27
10. Holy Shit, 29
11. In Which I Begin to Resemble Alaskan Wildlife, 32
12. The Things I’m Not, 36
13. The Lasts, 40
14. F.S.O., Part I, 43
15. Lost in Space, 46
16. Thanksgiving, 48
17. Not a Sad Tink, 53
18. Smaller, 58
19. Things I Can’t Say to Your Face, Part II, 60
20. In Which I Begin to Regard My Legs Anew, 64
21. The Checkout Line Jollies, Part I, 67
22. We Three Rings, 70
23. Looking for Mr. Manly Pants, Part I, 75
24. F.S.O., Part II, 78
25. Stink and Weeds, 81
26. Ecuador Stories, Part I: Arrival, 84
27. Ecuador Stories, Part II: The Middle, 89
28. Ecuador Stories, Part III: Whitewater, 92
29. Ecuador Stories, Part IV: Shit, 96
30. Ecuador Stories, Part V: Monkeys, More Monkeys, and a Dog, 101
31. I Really Need To Say This Out Loud, 108
32. The Hitchhiker, 111
33. Things I Can’t Say To Your Face, Part III, 118
34. Alone with Electra, 124
35. New Amy Loads the Dishwasher, 129
36. W.G.W., 134
37. Memo to Clooney Redux, 140
38. The Checkout Line Jollies, Part II, 144
39. At Rainbow Narrows, 149
40. Looking for Mr. Manly Pants, Part II, 154
41. Things I Can’t Say to Your Face, Part IV, 160
42. My Homie, Job, 165
43. Unemployment, 171
44. The Wisdom of the Pam, 176
45. Things I Can’t Say to Your Face, Part V, 179
46. Oh My God, 182
47. The Checkout Line Jollies, Part III, 184
48. Belaying and Belayed, 187
49. Isabella, 190
50. Snails, 192
Chris Ringwald Bio, 197
Acknowledgments, 199
