Get Your Pitchfork On! A No-Romance Country Primer
Acknowledgments 10
Introduction 11
Section One: Land 16
Chapter 1: Buying 17
REALTOR Versus FSBO 19
Topography 21
Potential Hazards 22
Water Features 22
Pond 23
Channel Water 25
Driveway 26
Microclimates 26
View 27
Government and Municipal Considerations 28
Vehicle Licensing and Insurance 28
Taxes 29
Zoning 30
Covenants 31
Environmental Health 32
Conservation Easement 33
Mineral and Timber Rights 33
Airspace 34
Vegetation Control 34
Property Lines 35
Proximity 36
Neighbors 36
Utilities 38
Bare Land 38
Domestic and Irrigation/Livestock Water 40
Surface Water 41
Well Water 43
Septic System 44
Services 47
Chapter 2: Maintenance 50
Woodlot and Yard 50
Planting Trees 51
Fire Abatement 52
Falling 53
Burn Pile 55
Road Kill 59
Noxious Plants 60
Invasive Species 60
Native Species 62
Poison Ivy, Oak and Sumac 63
Tractors and Other Tools 64
Tractor 64
Tractor Implements 66
Repairs 68
Chainsaw 68
Other Yard Power Tools 70
Pickup (Rig) 71
Storing Fuel 71
Traditional Hand Tools 74
Fencing 75
Fence Materials 78
Gates 81
Tools 82
Corners 83
Odd Terrain 83
Attire 84
Boots 85
Clothes 86
Gloves 87
Hat 88
Section Two: Buildings, Inside and Out 89
Chapter 1: Maintenance 91
Roof and Gutter 92
Septic System 93
Critter-Proofing 94
Sump Pump 95
Wood Heat 95
Acquiring 98
Splitting 99
Storage 102
Kindling 102
Lighting 103
Wood Type 104
Chimney 106
Sap 107
Chapter 2: Other Utilities and Services 108
Other Heat Sources 108
Electricity 109
Communications 109
Postal Service 111
Package Delivery 113
Newspaper Delivery 113
Pizza Delivery 113
Locator Landmark 114
Chapter 3: Winter and Storm Preparedness 114
Critical Systems 115
Generator 116
Getting Out 117
Chapter 4: Sustainable Power 118
Solar Hot Water 119
Solar Electricity 120
Water and Wind Turbines 122
Passive Solar Heat 122
Geothermal Energy 123
Chapter 5: Alternative Building Materials 124
Adobe 124
Straw Bale 125
Cob 125
Rammed Earth 127
Chapter 6: Other “Green” Ideas 127
Composting Toilet 127
Gray Water System 128
Rainwater Catchment 130
Insulation 131
Clothesline 133
Chapter 7: Outbuildings 135
Section Three: Animals 138
Chapter 1: Pets 140
Cat 141
Dog 142
Protective Dog 143
Wandering Dog 144
Country Dog Fun 146
Chapter 2: Livestock 151
General Maintenance 152
Fencing 153
Personality 154
Training 155
Handling/Safety 156
Feeding 157
Vaccinations and Parasites 160
Manure Management 161
Males 162
Gender Names 163
Specific Species 164
Birds 164
Camelids 175
Bovines 177
Equines 180
Honeybee 188
Goat 190
Pig 191
Rabbit 192
Sheep 193
Chapter 3: Wildlife 194
The Most Dangerous Wild Animal 196
Insects and Arachnids 198
Carpenter Ants 199
Chiggers 200
Cockroaches 200
Fire Ants 201
Mosquitoes 202
Scorpions 202
Squirrels, Chipmunks, Ground Squirrels 203
Subterranean Termites 204
Ticks 204
Wasps 206
Fish, Reptiles and Amphibians 209
Alligator 210
Boa Constrictor and Burmese Python 210
Catfish 210
Frog 211
Iguana, Lizard and Gecko 211
Snakes 213
Turtle and Tortoise 214
Mammals 215
Badger 216
Bat 216
Bear 217
Beaver 218
Coyote and Wolf 218
Javelina, or Peccary 220
Mouse and Rat 221
Porcupine 221
Raccoon 222
Razorback, or Wild Hog 222
Birds 223
European Starling 224
Flicker 224
Hawks 225
Muscovy Duck 225
Owl 226
Quail 227
(Wild) Turkey 227
Section Four: Food 229
Chapter 1: Buying 230
Animal Products 230
Eggs 231
Milk 232
CSA 233
Big-Box Stores 234
Chapter 2: Domestic Animals 234
Hiring a Butcher 236
Butchering 237
Butchering Ages 238
Dressing 238
Chapter 3: Gardening 240
Design 241
Compost 244
Compost Tea 249
Worm Bin 249
Hand Tools 250
Cultivation and Planting 252
Germination 253
Planting 256
Maintenance 258
Saving Seed 259
Woody Perennials 260
Competition (Pests) 264
Gophers 266
Other “Pests” 270
Chapter 4: Harvest and Storage 274
Individual Fruits and Vegetables 275
Apples 275
Artichoke 276
Asparagus 276
Avocado 277
Basil 278
Beans and Edamame 279
Berries 280
Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, Collard Greens, Cauliflower 280
Cabbage, Bok Choy 281
Cantaloupe, Honeydew Melon 281
Celery 281
Cherries 282
Chives 282
Coconut 282
Corn 282
Cranberries and Currants 283
Dates 283
Eggplants 283
Grapes 283
Guava 284
Kale 284
Mango 284
Okra 284
Onions, Garlic, Shallots 284
Oranges, Grapefruit, Limes, Lemons, Tangerines, Mandarins 285
Oregano 286
Parsley 286
Peaches, Nectarines, Apricots, Plums 286
Peanuts 287
Peas 287
Pears, Asian Pears 287
Peppers 288
Pineapple 288
Pomegranate 288
Potatoes 289
Pumpkin 290
Rhubarb 291
Root Vegetables 291
Squash 292
Sweet Potatoes 293
Tomatoes 293
Tomatoes, Green 294
Tomatillos 294
Watermelon 294
Canning 294
Water Bath/Steam 297
Pressure 299
Canning 101 299
Freezing 302
Drying 304
Chapter 5: Harvesting From the Wild 305
Wildcrafting Plants 306
Hunting Animals 309
Fishing 317
Section Five: Community, Family & Culture 321
Chapter 1: Small-Town Etiquette 321
Colloquialisms 322
Chapter 2: Town Personalities 323
Farm Town 325
Ranching Town 325
Fishing Town 326
Industry Town 327
College Town 328
Tourist Town 328
Sports Town 329
Exurb/Bedroom Community 331
Economically Depressed Town 331
Chapter 3: People 333
Neighbors 336
Trust 338
Privacy 341
Locals 343
Minorities 346
Religious 347
Racial 348
Sexual/Gender 349
Mainstream Culture 351
Sports 352
Gender Roles 353
Chapter 4: Children 354
Babysitting and Day Care 355
Education 356
Homeschooling 357
Unschooling 359
Online Schooling 360
Montessori 360
College Prep 361
Bus Shelter 362
Fundraising 363
4-H 363
Future Farmers of America 364
Safety 365
Chores 366
Chapter 5: Amenities 367
Library 367
Public Transportation 368
Grange Hall 368
Formal Social Clubs 368
Local News 372
Shopping 373
Chapter 6: Community Events 373
Festivals, Rodeos and County Fairs 373
Fourth of July 375
Halloween 376
Christmas 376
School Events 377
Recreation, Arts and Culture 378
Recreation 378
Fine Arts 380
Restaurants 382
Other Cultural Opportunities 382
Television and Movies 383
Adult Education 384
Complex Political Issues 384
Environmentalism 388
Guns 389
Chapter 7: Making a Living 391
Relying on an Urban Economy 392
Commuting 393
Telecommuting 394
Surviving in a Rural Economy 395
Job-Seeking 396
Interviewing 397
Fundraising and Volunteering 398
Interning 400
Bartering 400
Welfare 401
Opening a Business 402
Farm-Based Income 404
Agri-Tourism 406
Tax Deferral 406
Employees 407
Interns 409
Organic Certification 409
Value-Added Products 410
Other Opportunities 412
Bed-and-Breakfast 414
Marketing and Public Relations 415
Sample Press Release 416
Chapter 8: Health Care 422
Mental Health 424
Reproductive Health 424
Obstetrics 424
Infertility 425
Pregnancy Avoidance or Termination 425
End-of-Life Care 426
Alternative Medicine 427
Studios and Gymnasiums 428
Safety 428
Abuse 430
Chapter 9: Vehicles and Driving 432
Animal Collisions 434
Waving 435
Open Range 436
Unpaved Roads 436
Snow 438
Chapter 10: Urban Connections 439
Visitors 440
Events 440
