When to hold on; when to let goa constant dilemma of parenthood. This timely book examines the balance between these powerful dynamics. How parents can instill confidence and security in children and how professionals can recognize and respond when this process goes awry. Holding too long and too tight? Letting go too soon and too easily? Includes down-to-earth descriptions of family systems and identity development and guidance on remaining an emotional anchor in children's lives as they launch toward independence.
Psychologist Benjamin Garber is author of Keeping Kids Out of the Middle and Developmental Psychology for Family Law Professionals.
Chapter 2 Where Do You Get Your Emotional Fuel? People are like Cars: What's Your MPG? Are You Ready to Become Another Person's Gas Station?
Chapter 3 The Oceanic Self The Newborn Experiences Everything as Self; The "Drip" Metaphor
Chapter 4 Me v. Not Me Childhood as Emergence; The Anchor Metaphor; Tantrums, Practice and Faux Separations
Chapter 5 Healthy Anger Anger is Part of a Loving Relationship, Not the End of Love; How Do You Express Your Anger?
Chapter 6 "NOT ME!" Adolescence and Rejection; Rageful Separations; Launching and Re-entry; Tough-Love
Chapter 7 Accessorizing Self Boyfriends and Girlfriends, Peer Groups, Gang Colors, Team Members, Religion and Identity
Chapter 8 Fractured Self Trauma Can Create Fault Lines That Lay Dormant, Like a Mine, Until Your Partner or Your Child Steps on It
Chapter 9 Becoming a Parent Redefining Self for Mothers ... and Fathers? Three's Company?
Chapter 10 Letting Go From the Moment of Birth On; Two Steps Forward, One Step Back; "But Billy's Parents Let Him!"
Chapter 11 Holding Tight The Healthy Parent, Limits, Boundaries and Follow-Through
Chapter 12 Transitional Objects Helping Our Kids Internalize the Security We Provide
Chapter 13 Technology and Holding Tight Baby Monitors, GPS Trackers and Text Messaging as Umbilical Cords
Chapter 14 Divorce Divorce With or Without Marriage Letting Go of an Intimate Partner Can Be like Losing a Limb; How Do You Compensate?
Chapter 15 When Needy Parents Hold Too Tight: Adultified, Parentified and Infantitized Children Sometimes the Dominoes Fall Backwards: Fractured Parents Seek Their Children's Love
Chapter 16 When Needy Parents Can't Share: Parental Alienation Selfishly Undermining the Child's Opportunity to Love Her Other Parent
Chapter 17 Repairing Self "In Case of a Sudden Loss of Cabin Pressure..."; Psychotherapy, Meds, Exercise, Spirituality
Chapter 18 Adult Children as Our Caregivers? The Harsh Realities of Aging
Chapter 19 Death and Loss and Grieving Letting Go for Good
Chapter 20 Letting Go and Holding Tight Giving Our Children Permission to Become Healthy Parents Themselves