A hybrid memoir and valentine to her firstborn, Letdown encompasses the story of a woman when fertility issues arise at the same time the diagnosis of her son’s autism, complicating motherhood in unexpected ways. Portrays the transcendence found amidst difficulty.
[I checked Kent town records] 1
[At fifteen and a half weeks I experienced] 2
[The mud season sank in after the snow season] 3
[If I had to describe it, I would tell the whole story] 4 5
[They can’t help but make symbols of themselves] 5
[Post-partum, you were an island because you] 6
[Winter Snapshot: the sky is orange and gold] 7
[Late summer and the sun was muscular] 9
[The weather channel runs the local forecast] 10 12
[Frank O’Hara, my sentimental doppelganger] 11
[Anaphylaxis: The shawarma eaters dripped] 12
[The down on your back whorls to the center] 13
[You seized as we crawled through the interchange] 14
[I try to teach you how to blow dandelion parachutes] 15
[We walk the reservoir after dark where a neighbor] 16
[The second time I noticed the preschool teacher] 17
[We search the spring for carnivals] 18
[All I could think about were cells dividing. Clean] 19
[EEG Creation Date: 15:29:39 Aug 23, 2012 I think] 20
[Another heat wave, and succulents send up] 22
[They found the body of the non-verbal boy] 23
[We were waiting in line for another train in Griffith Park] 24
[Some days you serve word salad and long moments] 25
[Today's paper reports a woman rolled] 26
[You drag your leg cast across the living room] 27
[A baby was rolled in to your room. His crib] 28
[Multiple Punctate Bilateral White Matter Lesions.] 29
[Joy is pocket-sized. Like quarter rides.] 30
[In the great green room what he said can’t be taken back] 32
[Your father wanted me to say we
made the decision] 33
[Focal: That sweet unguent glue of hose water] 34
[After the procedure, they give young women] 35
[Focal, local, multiple occurrences: Running] 36
[They’re slip-ons with three elastics] 37
[Your Psychological Evaluation: a four-year-old Caucasian boy] 38
[At your swim school fountains burble, lilies bloom] 39
[Miscarriage happens [x] percent of the time] 40
[You continue to try and understand words] 41
[According to the newsletter I signed up for,] 42
[Déjà vu was the same bright red gem of blood] 43
[Someone says to me this is really about shame,] 44
[We’re at the zoo where the Los Angeles sun] 45
[At the aquarium, we head to the garden eels] 47
[You say I don’t want to calm down, I want to calm up.] 48
[We pressed our way through faux Kahlos] 49
[The small print on your pill bottle: Side-Effects:] 50
[Side Effects: I keep trying to tether you since] 51
[Side Effects: We're titrating up one medication] 52
[The bland face of the fertility doctor smiles up] 53
[At the human development exhibit the eleven vats] 54
[Sunday evening, and the days have gotten longer] 55
[Your favorite song is Water and your girl is Sarah] 56
[A flip book of your years gone is history never] 57
[I feel bad for kids unfortunate enough] 58
[We were deep into the plush monotony] 59