A book to offer clarity and guidance when facing the difficult decision of whether your relationship has a future.
Whether we should stay in or leave a relationship is one of the most consequential and painful decisions we are ever likely to confront.
What makes the issue so hard is that there are no fixed rules for judgement. How can we tell whether a relationship is 'good enough' or plain wrong? How do we draw the line between justified longing and naivety? Does someone 'better' actually exist? Should the feelings of children be counted (and what might they be in the long term)? Could one's partner change, perhaps with therapy, or should one assume that who they are now is who they will always be?
All these questions typically haunt our minds as we weigh up whether to stay or go. With no axe to grind or ideology to promote, Stay or Leave walks us gently through our options, opening our minds to perspectives we might not have considered.
This book aims to take the reader towards a time, presently hard to imagine, when the choice will no longer feel so agonizing. Using its lessons, we can understand ourselves deeply, consider our options, minimize our regrets and find the way ahead.
- REFRESHINGLY PRAGMATIC relationship advice for couples of all kinds.
- ROMANTIC REALISM a common sense way to look at your relationship.
- RELATIONSHIP TOOLKIT for working through your fears and anxieties.
- THERAPIST-RESEARCHED draws from The School of Life’s Therapy department and their experience providing couples therapy.
1. Is it okay to want them to change?
2. Are we just too different?
3. Can people change?
4. Is it worth breaking up over sex?
5. What about the children?
6. Have we tried everything?
7. What if I end up lonely?
8. What if I just repeat the same mistakes?
9. Can I cope practically?
10. Who is rejecting whom?
11. Why do I continue to feel so stuck?
12. Why are they so puzzling?
13. What can you tell me to make me less scared of leaving?
14. Does it have to be a tragedy?
15. But I don’t find them awful!
16. Do I have permission to do this?
17. Are my expectations too high?
18. How can I tell them?
19. How come they seem so lovely right now?
20. Why do I feel so nostalgic?
21. Is it okay to compromise?
22. How do I find closure?
23. Are there alternatives to staying or leaving?
24. Am I making a terrible mistake?
'I always find a lot of value in the School of Life books; they are beautifully written, thought-provoking and insightful. This one is no different.' - NetGalley review
'It is predominantly aimed at those considering whether to stay in or leave a romantic relationship, but could equally apply to any kind of relationship (friend, familial, or even a job), and also suggests ways that any of these relationships could be improved (even if one was never considering leaving).' - NetGalley review
'As a people-pleaser who has never been great at setting boundaries and who always thinks problems must be my fault, this was particularly helpful.' - NetGalley review
'If you're completely satisfied with your relationships, then this can just act as a reminder to be grateful for what you have!' - NetGalley review
'Stay or Leave is a concise and highly readable book on the reasons relationships breakdown with the premise it can help someone decide whether to "stay" or "leave.' - NetGalley review
'It gives an insight into both sides of the relationship and the dynamics which maybe at play.' - NetGalley review
'...a wonderfully quick and thought-provoking read.' - Reader review
"An excellent book to help you make decisions in your personal life … A quick read, but full of value for your mental health and love life!” - NetGalley review
"Such a wonderfully well-written and insightful book. I read it in one sitting, for such a slim volume it goes straight to the heart of the matter on several key questions about staying or leaving a relationship … Cannot recommend this enough!" - NetGalley review